


Fred.

by carpethefanfics



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Guilt, Heartche, Hope, Mentions of Character Death, Mentions of Characters Deaths, Mutual Pining, Pining, Sadness, Shame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 21:26:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11745510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpethefanfics/pseuds/carpethefanfics
Summary: Warning: mention of characters deathsEnjoy.





	Fred.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: mention of characters deaths
> 
> Enjoy.

  * It had been only a few months since Voldemort’s downfall
  * And one more since everything had started feeling safe
  * She was home again unsure about the pit in her stomach that felt much too deep for someone enjoying their last bit of Christmas break before their seventh year 
  * One she was told she didn’t have to take 
  * But knew that any semblance of normalcy rested in a graduation
  * Her brothers had all gone off to start their jobs, their lives
  * They had all had almost an identical speech about needing to get out in the world
  * Be somebody that wasn’t a soldier in a war no one had ever asked for
  * Her mother had cried each time
  * But tears of happiness rather than sadness
  * There was no fear, or not nearly as much as there was before
  * Ginny had watched them all fall into their new lives as if there had never been edging darkness
  * Never been  **wanted** posters plastered with their names and their traitorous blood status and a number of galleons that somehow quantified the worth of their life
  * Bill was fawning over her  _not so terrible_  sister-in-law
  * His hand always comfortably rested on the bump beneath her dress
  * His lips pressed there forming whispers and soft laughter 
  * George hiring his old  _friend_  Angelina to help in the shop
  * She had decided to take a break from professional Quidditch 
  * She wanted to make people laugh again
  * And George needed someone who could make him laugh
  * Charlie returned to Romania 
  * Seeking sanctuary with beasts that were not very beast-like at all
  * Percy to the Ministry
  * _Change mother, I plan to make change_
  * Even Ron had decided to settle down in his own little flat in London
  * Maybe he would start Auror training
  * Maybe he wouldn’t
  * _I just want to feel like I’m home again_
  * _Want to have stuff that’s mine, more than what will fit into a tent_
  * Hermione moved in with him not so soon after
  * She had joined Ginny for seventh year but figured she had spent enough time pining for Ronald
  * _Why should we wait any longer?_
  * That of course left  **Harry**
  * Ginny sighed at the thought of him
  * He had had it with the world at the end of the war
  * At least that’s what it felt like
  * Not unexpectedly so 
  * He was left in a heap of guilt and with a two-week old godson who needed a family
  * One she knew Harry didn’t think he could give
  * She had tried to help as best she could but Harry wouldn’t stop with pulling away
  * With the  _stop worrying so much Gin_
  * And the  _I can do this on my own_
  * And the  _go live your life_
  * She let him, of course
  * She couldn’t push him like she had before
  * Back when they were kids and fearless and Quidditch victories gave her immeasurable confidence 
  * When she could pin him up against the wall of an abandoned corridor and tell him to stop being so dramatic before she snogged him back to his sense
  * When he would find her between classes, wrap her up in his arms and whisper things to make her laugh 
  * But that was before he had been to hell and back
  * She was sure it had marked his soul
  * Left him a different man than she had even known
  * He needed a moment of peace
  * A  _lifetime_ of peace
  * Whether that peace was self-destructive or not 
  * So she skirted around him like she was ten years old again
  * She made sure Ron brought him home cooked meals every week
  * And took her own time with Teddy
  * She would spend weekends at a time fawning over the growing bundle, rocking him and squishing his cheeks
  * Andromeda loved the company
  * And Ginny loved the little blue-haired,  _no_ , pink-haired,  _wait_ , red-haired, boy desperately
  * He reminded her so much of Tonks
  * And she knew, despite the fact that no one else did, that she was his godmother and she was going to spoil him just like his mum would have wanted
  * “He gets more beautiful by the day Andy”
  * Ginny said over tea while Teddy scrambled around on the floor and put the ends of everything into his mouth
  * “Harry said the same thing”
  * Ginny’s mouth went dry, a small smile, a forced smile on her face as she listened to Andromeda 
  * Listened to her words about a scruffy faced, shaggy haired man who showed up at her doorstep to see his godson
  * Who almost,  _almost_ seemed like someone she used to know
  * “It was like the first time I met Remus all over again”
  * He must have lost himself in himself 
  * _“Takes after his godfather in that way”_
  * In the time he spent hiding from a world rearing into a new millennium 
  * And Ginny didn’t think she could stand back any longer
  * Couldn’t bare to let the war he survived take him from this place
  * There had been more death in her life than she had ever wanted to see
  * Harry Potter would not be added to that list



* * *

 

  * Returning from Andromeda’s with Harry on her mind and another picture of Teddy clasped beneath her robes left her confused
  * _How to help a man who doesn’t want to be helped_
  * _How to help him when hes the Savior of the wizarding world_
  * _When hes the love of your life …._
  * But then she had been walking through the floo when she heard Ron and Hermione’s voices
  * They were trying to remain hushed but that wasn’t working
  * Ginny could clearly hear them describing Harry’s state and by the sound of it he was just getting worse
  * _Just as Andromeda said_
  * As she walked into the kitchen the lot of them changed the subject
  * But she wasn’t about to let it go
  * “I’m going to see him.”
  * Ron’s eyes went a little wide and he immediately tuned to Hermione
  * She was biting her lower lip, a nervous tick
  * But then released a soft sigh
  * “I was just about to suggest that.”
  * It was settled
  * Ginny apparated that evening to Harry’s new flat in London
  * He had altered his plans to stay at 12 Grimmauld Place until after Auror training
  * At least that’s what he told everyone
  * Ginny knew better
  * It was hard for him to be there just yet
  * The memories alone overwhelmed her
  * She could still hear the way the umbrella stand crashed to the ground whenever she opened the door
  * And the couches hadn’t been moved away from the fireplace just yet
  * A spot she knew she would always have found Sirius
  * She knew how deeply he felt for them
  * And she knew she could never understand what it was like to have every member of your family torn from you
  * Only one of her brothers had been taken
  * That was a pain she had barely been able to bear 
  * But Harry, Harry carried himself like a hero
  * Took their names, their legacies and wore them like badges
  * But now it was like he felt the heaviness of every death instead
  * Not badges, just weights
  * So she filled her bags with containers of her mother’s cooking and her own clothing in preparation for what she would find in Harry’s flat
  * When she arrived she was surprised to find no charm that kept her from entering
  * And less surprised to see the state of the place
  * There were items of clothing, plates and old food containers on every exposed surface
  * Ginny’s nose upturned at the sight but that didn’t stop her from getting to work
  * With a flick of her wrist the clothing carried itself to the wash, the dishes to the sink to be scrubbed and the rubbish to its proper bin
  * She set about the brooms to the floors followed closely by mops and refilled the contents of Harry’s refrigerator
  * She walked about his apartment before she found herself standing in front of his bedroom
  * She gently pushed open the door just enough to see an unconscious Harry in nothing more than boxer shorts with an empty bottle of firewhiskey below his open hand
  * She leaned against the frame and sighed
  * She didn’t know how she was going to pull him from his current state when neither Ron nor Hermione could manage
  * But she figured if she knew Harry, the plan would come to her
  * Plus, it helped that she had missed him more than she would ever admit
  * A few blissful months with him wasn’t even close to the lifetime she had started letting herself imagine
  * As a young girl she had big dramatic dreams about the great Harry Potter
  * But as a young woman there was nothing dramatic about them
  * No big crazy life, no a massive dress, no fame
  * All Ginny wanted was to have his heart be whole again
  * Even if it was never hers
  * _Because that’s what love is, isn’t it?_
  * _Caring about someone selflessly_
  * _And wishing you could give them your everything if the burden of theirs would lift_
  * But whatever they had had was muddled by the looming threat of death and pure unadulterated fear
  * She didn’t know what they were anymore but she knew it was there
  * They were obviously buried underneath her attempts at a strong demeanor and sarcasm 
  * But they were there
  * _And not going anywhere anytime soon_
  * She returned to his kitchen to start about getting dinner ready
  * She maneuvered through finding pans and pots and all other sorts of cooking items he had probably never used
  * She got quickly distracted in the task at hand, not realizing how much time had even gone by
  * And definitely not realizing that Harry had come ‘round
  * He had heard her ruffling through his things, unsure of exactly who it was
  * But almost positive it was either Ron or Hermione.
  * He kicked aside his mess to make a path to the door and when he swung it open a familiar scent found its way to him
  * _Roses …_
  * _Roses meant Ginny_
  * He padded his way through his home realizing that she must have been here a while since the place was spotless 
  * When he rounded the corner of the corridor to his room he saw her and it was like that blinding light all over again
  * He could see her shirt riding up, the creamy skin just above her hips exposed
  * The freckles that dotted her lower back were still there
  * He felt like he was back at Hogwarts for a moment
  * Back to when watching her let her hair fall from her Quidditch ponytail made him hate that everyone else was around 
  * And he realized at the memory that he was smiling
  * It was the first time he had involuntarily smiled in days..  _weeks maybe?_
  * “Ginny.”
  * She jumped at the sound of his voice and turned to see him standing before her scratching the back of his head and adjusting his glasses
  * He was still clad in nothing more than his boxer shorts and it brought a blush to her cheeks
  * She gripped the counter at the sight reminding herself that it was not appropriate to walk over and push his back up against the wall no matter how much she wanted too
  * “Look who’s finally graced me with their presence.” 
  * He rolled his eyes at her 
  * “What are you doing here?”
  * “Thought I’d bring you some home cooked meals. Especially since you’ve got Ted this weekend and I don’t think pizza every night is all that good for a baby.”
  * Harry laughed slightly and then his eyes caught her bag
  * “Have I got you this weekend too?”
  * Her smile grew slowly at the question
  * “Whether you like it or not Potter”
  * The rest of the evening went rather quietly after Harry returned to his room to shower and change
  * Ginny remained in the kitchen busying herself with whatever she could find as her mind swarmed with images from the sound of the shower
  * _Not why you’re here Gin_
  * It was only Thursday night and Teddy would be dropped off tomorrow so for now, it was just the two of them
  * But it didn’t feel like old times
  * It didn’t feel like effortlessly dropping beside him at breakfast and stealing his toast
  * Didn’t feel normal to reach across him or bump his elbow as he drank
  * And she didn’t find it necessarily hard to be  _around_ Harry
  * But it felt  **forced**
  * The first time they had met she was a bundle of nerves
  * By the time she had grown into her skin it was like second nature to be around him
  * And now, well now it was like a mixture between the two
  * Harry popped his head around the corner again just as she was filling their plates with food
  * “Smells great”
  * She turned her head and smiled
  * “It should, it’s my mother’s recipe”
  * Their dinner talk was less uncomfortable than Ginny anticipated
  * Harry kept pace with her but never lifted his eyes from the end of his fork
  * He shifted slightly whenever she leaned in his direction and twitched his lip whenever she made a joke
  * It was different, he was different
  * But how could he not be?
  * The war had taken a lot from everyone, had ruined lives and families and homes 
  * Harry was so noble he had to be carrying around that knowledge blaming himself all the while
  * And Ginny didn’t know how to tell him he didn’t have too
  * “You should really stop by soon, mum misses you, dad too”
  * Harry let out a sigh, “ _I know_ ”
  * He spoke quieter than normal but she ignored it
  * “I’m sure George would love to have another guinea pig to try his inventions on”
  * That’s when she noticed Harry gulped down his food harshly and clenched his fingers around his fork
  * He had been fine until the mention of George’s name and it felt more obvious now than ever before
  * _This_ is why he had been keeping his distance
  * Harry kept his eyes down and let his fork drop to the plate
  * However, Ginny wasn’t about to let up now that she was getting more genuine reactions from him
  * She dropped her own fork 
  * “That’s why you’re running”
  * Harry’s head jolted up 
  * “I’m not running.”
  * He slammed the chair back from the table and pursed his lip tightly
  * Ginny instinctively stood too
  * “You’re doing it right now.”
  * She kept her brown eyes fixed on his green ones, they were dim and surrounded by dark circles like he hadn’t slept in weeks
  * _That’s probably where the alcohol came into play_
  * He kept his mouth clamped shut and tried to maneuver around her
  * But she planted herself firmly in front of him causing him to stumble back
  * She had him with his legs resting against the table now
  * His eyes glued to the floor avoiding her gaze and his fingers wrapped tightly around the tables edge
  * She lifted her hand to run across the faint stubble on his jaw
  * And he jerked away from her
  * “Harry its just me”
  * Her sudden change in tone shot through him
  * He brought his eyes to hers and realized that the softness in her tone was not at all how her features read
  * Her brow was furrowed, worry lines around her eyes and her bottom lip caught nervously between her teeth
  * _Sadness_
  * Her eyes were roaming his face hoping and searching for any sign
  * But she couldn’t find it, he wouldn’t let her
  * He wanted to push her back from him, run around her and back to the safety of his room
  * But he couldn’t touch her
  * Touching her meant feeling her and feeling her meant feeling  **something**.
  * He didn’t deserve to feel that again, the pleasure that came from Ginny, the happiness she exuded
  * “Fred wouldn’t want this.”
  * He could see the tears welling in her eyes at the mention of his name but she quickly blinked them away
  * Her voice never wavered
  * Her strength was inspiring, her determination always threw him
  * Yet he couldn’t bear to hear it
  * He threw himself into her causing her to stumble back
  * It was just enough to slip around her and slam himself into his room
  * He had expected her to push past the door, push past the walls he had spent so long building again
  * But she didn’t
  * He was grateful .. almost …
  * Somewhere inside himself he wanted someone to help him fight the darkness that was practically consuming him
  * But that voice in his head, the one that told him he deserved it, was  **winning**
  * So instead he curled himself up into bed, a new bottle of firewhiskey clutched in his fingers to drown the thoughts
  * He drank until his throat burned and his eyes saw triple
  * He was dazed and lost and his whole body trembled as the unwanted tears fell from his eyes
  * As soon as he shut them his body slumped and the bottle dropped from his hand to the ground
  * Ginny heard it from the other room
  * She had changed into her pajamas and curled up in his armchair with a mug of tea.
  * The breaking of the glass startled her despite knowing what it was
  * It had been nearly four hours since dinner
  * The darkness of night enveloping the room save the small fire she had started
  * With a flick of her wand it was out and she was following the faint blue tip to the end down the hall.
  * Once she reached Harry’s room she released a long, drawn out sigh
  * The love of her life curled up, his cheeks still damp and his snores softly leaving him
  * She approached the bed slowly afraid to wake him in the obviously way too drunken state and adjusted him
  * She realized tears were still falling from his eyes
  * And he was trembling
  * Her heart pounded in her chest.
  * She slipped her body under the sheets and pulled him against her
  * He still felt like Harry, his arms still long and firm
  * His skin warm to the touch and his breathing ragged
  * She wrapped her arm around his waist and ran her fingers though his hair to calm him
  * “I’m so sorry Harry”
  * His body stopped shaking and his ragged breaths become gentle
  * “I’m sorry we didn’t do more to protect you when all you did was try to protect us”
  * She pressed her lips to the back of his neck
  * She could feel her own eyes getting heavy
  * Feel the exhaustion of tears and sadness pulling her down
  * And she knew she should leave but his warmth was wrapping itself around her
  * “Please come back to me”
  * And when Ginny woke the next morning at the unforgiving hour of five she expected to be cold or alone or pushed away
  * But she was not
  * She was curled into Harry
  * Her head on his arm and her back pressed to his chest.
  * And it felt good
  * Too good
  * Too good for a moment that would soon be fleeting
  * She breathed the scent of him in deeply as she opened her eyes and his grasp tightened around her
  * Her heart began thumping loudly at the realization that she shouldn’t be here when he woke
  * But his arm was draped around her and his leg was pressed between her own
  * So she pulled forward slowly
  * Every movement that further untangled her from him made her muscles tighten
  * She was trying so hard not to leave every last shred of her heart in that bed beside him
  * Her feet touched the floor as she sat up, as she tried to will herself to get off the bed, get out of his room, get out of her head
  * “Ginny.”
  * Her breathing stopped
  * She couldn’t bare to turn back
  * So she pushed herself up and then caught herself falling back down
  * Caught a warm, strong hand wrapped around her wrist
  * “Stay”
  * She turned to look at him
  * _That green should be criminal_
  * _No one should be allowed to plead with someone with that many flecks of gold in their eyes_
  * And she caved
  * Let herself fall back against him
  * Let him bury his face in her hair
  * “Roses …  
I missed that”
  * Her heart shattered as he interwove their fingers
  * _Time_
  * _That’s all you need_
  * She thought to herself
  * Her hand squeezed his as his breathing softened
  * And the warmth of his skin burned the places on her body where they were connected
  * Maybe he would be okay after all
  * And maybe she would be too



**Author's Note:**

> http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/163949660497/fred


End file.
